Hunter Biden's Report Says Two Market Makers Profited in LAPTOP Crash

Two trading firms brought in to keep Hunter Biden's LAPTOP meme coin steady finished millions of dollars ahead after the token's launch-day crash, according to a report Biden released Wednesday. Neither company is named in it.

Groom Lake, which produced the report, says the founders did not sell. It blames the crash on a shallow launch pool, heavy trading in the opening moments and one firm withdrawing its capital, though it rates that explanation at moderate confidence.

"We hired two of the biggest market makers in the business to avoid exactly this, and we gave them the capital to stock both sides," Biden wrote.

How Could $6 of Buying Shift LAPTOP More Than $7,400 of Selling?

LAPTOP, a meme coin on Coinbase's Base network, went live on September 9. Its main trading pool, which automatically sets the price, had $35,663 but only 29,885 tokens.

That imbalance meant a $6.02 buy lifted the price 5%, while a 5% drop required $7,376 of selling.

Among the 668 other launches the report reviewed, buy and sell orders moved prices nearly equally.

The price climbed from 5 cents to $316.75 in under two minutes, and then that two-minute peak was followed by a 98% drop within the hour.

The “$300 billion” valuations were calculated by multiplying that price by 1 billion tokens.

How Did the Market Makers Behave During the Crash?

Market makers are firms paid to keep buy and sell orders flowing. The first firm received $500,000, according to the report, but put roughly $5,244 into the main pool.

Then, 84 seconds after the peak, it pulled out. The cash awaiting sellers near the market price fell from $16,158 to zero.

The report says the first firm's positions finished $685,873 in profit, although the terms of its loan set aside some fees for the lender. Trading that the report connects to the second firm brought in $2.18 million.

The team says the first firm has not offered an explanation. A day after launch, Biden rejected the scam claims and blamed bots. His current demand is that the coins be destroyed.

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The biggest winners? The market makers.

Market Maker 1's DEX positions ended up about $686,000 ahead. DEX trading linked to Market Maker 2 netted more than $2.1 million.

I think the market maker who screwed up the launch should buy it all back and burn it.

— Hunter Biden (@HunterBiden) October 7, 2026

Biden, who described Donald Trump's TRUMP coin as “max extraction,” also went after paid crypto promoters known as KOLs.

“Hell, I'd make it work just to piss off Don and Eric. And every KOL who called it a scam because we refused to pay them,” he wrote.

300 million tokens held by the founders remain locked for six months and then unlock over two years. The team intends to burn most unclaimed airdrop tokens next week. Neither firm singled out by the report has been named.